Learning to Let Go

Sometimes I feel like I'm letting go of sanity. But mostly, Turkey is teaching me to let go of my ideas of schedules, etiquette, orderliness, and logic. Which may be a good thing, since I am entirely too neurotic by half. By the way, I have a feeling this is going to be a rather rambling post. For those of you who are bothered by my habit of jumping from topic to topic without warning, this post will either drive you batty or teach YOU to let go. :)

For anyone who knows me even slightly, you know that for me, rude people absolutely grate on my nerves, and will make me angrier faster than about anything else. It is unsettling to be in a country where I don't know the rules of etiquette, and may very well be a rude person myself! And trust me, I can't just do as I would in the US and hope that these things are universal. Um, no. Not unless I want to be completely obvious in my foreigner status. (Actually, funny thing, I've been told many times that I look Turkish and whenever someone needs directions or has a question, guess who they ask? Oh yeah, that would be me, the one who knows basically NO Turkish. Awkward.) So anyways, it's little things like you don't talk to some strangers, but you can to others. Like, NO ONE talks at a bus stop for example. (It's a good thing that's not a rule in the US, Chris and I never would have met!) People either listen to music, talk on their cell phones, or stare into space, but the stops are pretty silent places. Staring is not considered rude, or at least I don't think so, because I get stared at a lot, and so does Chris. And people are completely unfazed when you meet their eyes and catch them staring. They just keep right on! Pretty much no one says anything to bus drivers, taxi drivers, delivery people, or other shoppers in stores. However, it's perfectly normal to exchange pleasantries with shop keepers. I'm not sure I've heard a "please" (lutfen) since I've gotten here. People can come across as abrupt, but when EVERYONE is that way, it's me who has to do the adjusting. Which I am, I can play snob (by US standards) very well. :D

Mostly what I'm finding difficult about manners are the little things. For example, if someone invites me in for tea, are they doing it just to be polite, or would it be considered rude to turn them down? How long do you stay? Turks aren't quick people when it comes to eating and drinking, but really, other than "Thank you" and "Very nice", what am I going to say to a Turk who doesn't speak English? I HAVE learned to always take off my shoes before entering someone's house, but that apply to offices as well? If not, is it rude to take off your shoes in an office? Should I apologize (in my pitiful Turkish) for not speaking Turkish? Is it something to be sorry about? What is ok and what isn't? Honestly, I could go on and on, but I can see this is getting a bit redundant.

I know I've complained about things not working, or not working well, before. I am gradually learning to never take things working for granted, and always have a plan B. Because this is just how things are in Turkey. If something doesn't work, people are completely unfazed, shrug it off, and continue on. Whereas in the US, there would be irate customers, managers falling all over themselves to give away free things to make up for the non-working this, here it's so expected that no one throws tantrums, no one gets bent out of shape, and no one even tries very hard to fix the problem. Again, not only my desire for orderliness but also working in customer service jobs way too long interferes with my ability to walk away as easily as the Turks do. Although I can manage to not throw a tantrum right then and there, poor Chris DOES get to hear all about it when we get home! I think that one is going to take awhile. I think I'm making progress though, simply because there have been a couple times when I could just shrug things off. That needs to happen a little more frequently.

As far as things being illogical here, it can be summed up quite neatly (and short too!): a friend (a Turk who has lived in America) told me, "If it's logical, then you won't find it in Turkey." Yup, makes sense to me now.

The sense of competition between businesses is something that still fascinates me. Mostly because there really isn't any. Hard to believe, but picture this example: Chris and I need to find a stationary store to get things like binder clips, 2-ring binders (ah, ANOTHER tirade I could go into but will refrain), notebooks, day planners, etc. Our landlady told us we will need to go to Konak, to a certain section of town, because that is the section with all of the stationary stores. Each type of business has a certain section of town, and all of them are next door to each other. If one doesn't have it, they'll simply send you next door for it. No competition about better locations, LOGICAL locations (um, by universities, anyone?) carrying different products, etc. Nope, they even help each other out with breaking big bills. Amazing. And it's all of the types of businesses, not just stationary. I walked through the electronics section the other day, and there are furniture sections as well. Very interesting. But in a way, very nice too. Not so blood-thirsty, dog-eat-dog type of business dealings. (I'm sure there are exceptions, this is just generally what I've observed)

Noise ordinances? Non-existent here. Contruction next door + no noise ordinance = no sleep until after midnight for me = cranky and whiny the next day. Again, I'm going to have to get used to this and see it as a positive thing: we can have wild loud parties and no one can do anything about it. :)

LOL, actually, speaking of noise ordinances and lack of sleep, you all will love this. Ramadan started last night. For those of you who don't know Islam very well (which included me until I got here), Ramadan is a month during which Muslims eat before sunrise, and then fast until sundown, when they then have huge and wonderful meals. Fasting includes food, drinks, and cigarettes. So, it started last night. Apparently there is a drummer who walks up and down the streets at about 4AM to wake people up so they can eat their breakfast before the sunrise. This will be every morning for a full month. I don't know HOW Chris and I slept through it this morning, but I have little hope of that being the case every morning. I just hope people aren't as cranky as I would be if it were 90 degrees and I couldn't have water or food. I'll keep you updated on that front.

I see that is is turning into a really long rambling post. Sorry for all of you who didn't have much time and got stuck reading it. Anyways, Chris and I both miss you all, and hope to hear from you soon.